


Always (You)

by burymeinziam



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Rape/Non-con References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2013-02-25
Packaged: 2017-12-03 14:16:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/burymeinziam/pseuds/burymeinziam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Liam is an artist and Zayn is beautiful</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always (You)

Zayn smiles at him propped up on his elbows with his chin resting on an open palm like he’s really interested while Liam talks too much about nothing at all. Sometimes Liam wonders how it could be, but he thinks that maybe Zayn really does care about what he has to say. It’s in the way he leans forward, his eyes big and bright like nothing Liam has ever seen before. It’s funny because Liam has always had too many thoughts running around in his head and he always has too much to say, but there’s something about Zayn that tells Liam it’s okay; he can say whatever, and how much, he wants and it will be okay.

Zayn is safe and he’s warm and he’s comfortable.

Liam has Zayn strip when they begin working on something new. He watches the heart on Zayn’s hip, the wild array of artwork covering his forearm. When Liam circles around Zayn’s body, returning to his front, Zayn meets his gaze with an expression that is clear and confident and unafraid of being so bare and vulnerable and open. And Liam loves it. He loves that Zayn isn’t afraid of him and that he just does this for him without asking for anything in return. He loves that somehow Zayn just knows that Liam wants to help and this is only way he knows how. Liam loves him; he loves him and he can’t believe it’s so simple.   
  
Soon it becomes difficult for Liam to see Zayn as something as simple as shapes and hard angles. Liam can see those pretty, slender hips with golden tan skin stretched over jutting hipbones and he’s sweating, fingers gripping tight onto his pencil poised over his sketchpad. At night, Liam tries his best not to take advantage of the things he’d been given the opportunity to see during the day; the things Zayn allowed him to make note of and carry with him for as long as he chooses to remember. Sometimes, it works and Liam is able to close his eyes and dream of relatively safe, things that don’t involve long, lean limbs and a head of messy black hair.

But sometimes it doesn’t because Zayn is just too beautiful for words and Liam gets lost in graceful shoulder blades and a pristine jawline that is nothing if not sculpted by the gods. He can’t help but to think of Zayn’s smile and perfect, pink lips stretched over blindingly white teeth and Liam wants to thank Zayn’s fucking dentist because he’s never seen anything so gorgeous.

Zayn is everything Liam has ever wanted to capture on paper, to steal away and hide.

The way Zayn shifts his body where he’s standing is questioning and he’s broken his pose completely. Liam is seconds away from chastising him, telling him to hold still instead of shuffling his feet every few seconds, but the expression on Zayn’s face cuts him short. Zayn’s got this smoldering look on his face; the one that only comes up when they’re getting too heated and Liam forces them to take some down time. It’s that look of want – a look of need – and it makes Liam feel as though he’s not getting enough air.

Zayn asks him if he still only sees him in patterns and shapes and Liam can’t do anything other than swallow the lump in his throat and look down at his shoes. Zayn’s unbelievable beauty is out in the open and it’s right there for Liam to see, to look at Zayn with his clear eyes shining in the hazy lighting of the living room. Liam gulps and he swallows, his eyes cast too far down toward the ground before mustering up the courage to look back up at Zayn’s whose face has been nothing but open and honest since the day they met.  

“I try,” he says quietly, his voice just shy of sounding ashamed. “I try my very best.”

It’s only a few seconds of Liam trying to register what Zayn is doing until he understands. Zayn’s body is pressed up against his own; demanding the physical contact Liam has been denying himself for so long. Zayn’s breath is hot against the shell of Liam’s ear when he tells him it’s okay, there’s nothing to be afraid of; it’s only them. He whispers it like a secret and then Zayn’s lips are trailing down along Liam’s jawline and their mouths are slotting together like two pieces of a puzzle.

“It’s okay,” Zayn mumbles into Liam’s skin when he can feel him shaking. Zayn laces their fingers together, places their hands over his own heart and looks into Liam’s eyes like he’s trusting him with everything. “It’s okay,” he repeats. “I want you to see me like this. I want to give you everything.”

It’s all Liam needs to hear even though he feels a little guilty taking so much from someone so beautiful. But Zayn’s skin tastes like rain in the middle of April and his fingers against Liam’s skin is like an aftershock right after an earthquake and it sends Liam reeling. He can’t stop himself from repeating how absolutely beautiful Zayn is and how much he wishes he were capable of capturing it on paper; how much Liam wants him and how absolutely breathtaking Zayn feels pressed up against him.

And Zayn just grins in that way he does when Liam talks too much and presses a finger to his lips before whispering “shh” in that quiet, breathy voice that makes Liam feel as though Zayn is the only thing tethering him to the ground; that if Zayn were to let him go Liam would float away.

Pushing him down onto the couch, Liam clamors on top of him begging Zayn for everything and more; begging him for things he shouldn’t even be asking for because Zayn has already given him everything. But Zayn keeps telling him that it’s okay, smiling up at Liam the whole time and kissing him with his legs wrapped tight around Liam’s waist. Liam can’t help but to want every part of him, to memorize every dip and valley of Zayn’s body, to trace his tongue over every inch of ink decorated skin.

And Zayn isn’t telling him no, but Liam can’t help but to wonder if he’s asking clearly enough. He can’t really tell because Zayn is so, so beautiful underneath him kissing and touching, dragging his hands over Liam’s back and finding new places to hide his fingers. Liam can’t help but to notice the way Zayn moves and he can’t help but to want him even though he tries not to.   
  
It doesn’t take long for Liam’s clothes to join Zayn’s on the floor, making sure to grab the packet of lube and a condom from his wallet from his wallet before tossing his jeans, and he isn’t sure he knows what he’s doing when he wets his fingers and slips them between Zayn’s legs.

And then Zayn is hissing and grabbing at the pillows on the couch, almost yelling but not quite. It’s hurting, but Liam can’t help but to hope it’s in the best of ways. He isn’t sure if this is going just slow enough or way too fast; he isn’t sure because he’s never had something as precious as Zayn and he thinks that maybe he should ask, but the moment is killing him with heat and light and Liam just _wants._

Liam fumbles with the condom when he slips it on. He’s pretty sure they don’t need it since he knows that he’s “clean” and he’s fairly certain Zayn is too, but tests are liars. They say he’s clean but Liam isn’t too sure he feels that way. Nobody was ever safe with him, but he’s not a treasure in the same way Zayn is. Not really.

Zayn’s eyes don’t even widen when Liam lines himself up between his legs, but he can see the way his eyes slip shut and his mouth falls open when he drags the wet tip of his cock over Zayn’s hole. It makes him wonder what Zayn’s first time was like. Liam is only his second and perhaps even the first one Zayn has really wanted; the first time Zayn has ever had a say in what was happening to his body and that makes everything feel so much more special.

When Liam pushes in he can’t get over how tight everything feels, the way Zayn’s muscles are clenching around him, or how undeniably close they are. Liam’s lost in how pretty Zayn looks wrapped around him before it clicks that Zayn is screaming and yelling and crying. His palms are pushed flat against Liam’s chest and he’s begging for Liam to stop and he does without a second thought.

Zayn’s body is shaking in its need for rejection and Liam can feel his cries throughout his whole body because they’re just that connected.

“I can’t,” Zayn mumbles, his head lolling to the side, ashamed.

And then Liam is crying too because he did this. Zayn says something about wishing that he could but it hurts too bad and he’s still shaking and Liam just wants him to calm down. He wants to pull out but he’s afraid that if he leaves Zayn now it will hurt even worse so he stays as still as he can and whispers beautiful word he’s ever heard into Zayn’s ear as he pushes his hair out of his face and pretty soon Liam doesn’t even know what he’s saying; he feels awful.

As Zayn gasps for air, Liam holds his hip as he exits his warmth, hating himself as he pulls Zayn close. He should have asked, made sure it was before taking something that never should have been his in the first place.

But Zayn isn’t mad when he curls up around Liam and presses his lips to his neck. He’s not angry when he says that it only hurt too much, that he forgot how much it could hurt because he thought he could never feel pain as long as he was with Liam.

“But it was worth it,” Zayn whispers against the birthmark on Liam’s neck. “Maybe next time we can go slower. We can try again,” he says. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it didn’t work. I’m –”

Liam just touches Zayn’s hair and lets him cry, feeling the pain of hurting him all the way down to his bones. Zayn’s body is curled up against his own and he’s confused and small and irrevocably Liam’s; a concept Liam hasn’t yet been able to grasp.

“I think about us together like that all the time,” Zayn says quietly and when Liam kisses the tears staining his cheeks, they taste like the ocean and he knows he would wait forever if it meant he could feel that connection again.

Zayn can’t stop apologizing, says he’s got an image in his head of someone else, that first guy who’d hurt him. He says the world wasn’t real for a moment and then all he could smell was heat and sweat.

“I don’t want to see that anymore,” Zayn mumbles and his eyes are wide when he looks into Liam’s. “I want to see you.”

When Zayn kisses him, Liam doesn’t expect the ‘I love you’ that escapes Zayn’s mouth. He honestly doesn’t. He thought Zayn would be angry, but he just chokes on his breath and strangles out an ‘I love you, too’ before kissing Zayn’s forehead as Zayn falls into another bout of tears.

“Nobody ever listened to me when I asked them to stop.”

And Liam’s heart breaks and it shatters because this boy is so very beautiful and fragile and broken. “I’ll always listen to you,” Liam says and Zayn cries even more.

He doesn’t say anything more because he thinks that Zayn might get it even though Liam isn’t sure he understands this completely himself. He just holds him and thinks about how small Zayn feels and how they fit together so perfectly. Liam shushes him when Zayn says that they can try again later and tells him that he’s not in a rush; he would wait forever.

Zayn cries until he’s worn out and Liam carries him to his bed, cradling Zayn underneath his thickest sheets and kissing Zayn’s lips like he can’t stop, like he’s a magnet. Zayn falls asleep against his chest and Liam realizes that he really has fallen in love and that its more than just sex and Zayn being the prettiest thing Liam has ever laid eyes on. Liam realizes that he really would wait forever; for him, for Zayn.

Because Zayn is more than just shapes and angles and slender hips drawn tight under lightly tanned skin. He’s warm smiles and open ears and soft, ‘I love yous’ whispered between hiccups and tears. He’s a beautifully broken boy curled up tight beneath Liam’s sheets and Liam loves him and it’s okay. 


End file.
